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Posts tagged ‘Childhood exploration’

Jul 2

A Child’s Work Is About Play

When I was in grad school, I took several courses on child therapy. For younger kids, it was all about play. As I began to see children, I discovered that the kids didn’t really understand how to play.

This was in the mid 1990s, and it only got worse. Jonathan Haidt has gotten it correct. By the time the 2010s rolled around, the phone and the iPad were king. Where were children’s minds going?

Freud was right about dreaming being the royal road to our unconscious. It is how we process the stuff of that day, turn it over, and make sense of what might not make sense to us. Child therapists are correct about kids needing to work things out in free play. Play is the language of childhood, and it is understood by engaging in a free flight of thoughts. Kids don’t learn to think by being told what they need to know! Kids learn by doing, and by having parents who can honor the language of childhood: play. We’re coming back to this vital concept in 2026.

This is now happening in the schools, where tech is slowly being reframed and pulled out of spaces so that children learn to have a childhood, create, and do the work of childhood: play.

When I was seeing children in the San Francisco Bay Area, I was stunned by the lack of creative play. This was before the age of the phone. No, you can’t bring your pet rock into the session, but yes, I want to see you imagine, play school, and work out your struggles. And, as children played and allowed me to interact with them, they resolved the tricky issues of life. I’ll say it again: you can’t do it with a phone or tablet, and in 2026 we’re seeing the results. Depression and anxiety are on the rise. Kids aren’t able to cope with the basic things of life.

Playing away from the computer may also be a good prescription for adults. We discover things during our creative times that tend to open us up to new insights. The kids I saw in the 1990s are now adults and are struggling to work it all out—again. They’re turning to new methods. They’re discovering the adult versions of what needed to happen in childhood: prayer, meditation, and play.

Meditation and prayer can cause us to discover ourselves in new ways; play allows for us to create, to imagine, and to discover what is bothering us. Physical play allows us to explore our minds in different ways than engaging with someone else’s idea of our universe.

An example of this is George Lucas. Lucas has a fertile imagination. He imagined a planet with two suns; we saw it in Star Wars on the planet of Tatooine. Now, we know it exists in space. Imagination comes from developing our play skills. Play enables us to dream and to learn about ourselves in different ways than books allow us to do.

I’m an avid reader. I finish a book and face serious story withdrawal. While books allow my mind to create good things, play allows us to make it come to life. Adult coloring books are fun.

Play allows a child to explore building foundations of life, fixing the problem when the “stuck” moment arises. Play builds confidence that allows a child to see if they can fix something. Physical play allows for setting rules on our own terms, and we learn that no, we can’t defy the laws of nature—but maybe we can explore new ways of engaging with them.

Play is the basis of imagination and of thinking outside the box. Without play, would we have gone to the moon? Would we have all the things we have today if, throughout history, kids playing with other kids had never asked why something couldn’t be done, and then gone and done it?

Play challenges the child and the adult to challenge the norms and go outside of the box. Why not? For those who can color outside of the lines, it is an essential part of becoming a creative adult, and for those who need more of a structured existence, it can serve to teach us to understand our limitations and accept those that want to fly.

Play teaches children to make fair rules and to work things out for themselves.

Play is about finding solutions that are creative and respectful. It is about creating memories and stories that support growth. Play in the simpler days was about staying out until the streetlights came on and being with the kids in the neighborhood. It was about bonding and exploration. How do we get back to that and give kids a chance to explore?

A line in a piece of music from days gone by—“Bookends” by Simon and Garfunkel—keeps returning to my mind. While we must move forward, can we have this thought return for our children?

Time it was and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence, A time of confidences

Maybe the welder and the scientist will join forces as children to pursue new memories. Maybe parents will learn that free, unstructured play is a great thing, and it keeps the mind young. Maybe in our brave new frontier, the geeky kid and the builder will learn to join creatively to spark imaginations. Where could play take us? To Saturn and beyond?

Oct 7

When (Revisit)

Originally posted on March 30, 2020.

“Mommy, are we there yet?”

The woman in the front seat of the car is fighting the urge to turn around and duct-tape her child’s mouth shut—permanently. This phenomenon has happened on every long journey since time immemorial. Then the mother has this flash in her mind that carries her back to the beginning of time and particles smashing together. Maybe it even happened with the sludge of the universe as the Big Bang occurred. Imagine two atoms: “Are we there yet? Are we done yet? Can we get on with the Paleozoic Era?” But, duct-taping them would have caused a disaster. She smiles to herself instead and continues to focus on the road ahead.

Maybe in the grand scheme of the cosmos, delayed gratification is one of the great laws. The universe took the time it needed to come to its present state. That can teach us something. The universe was formed with only what it had on hand from the first moment all things slammed together and all things followed in order. No credit here. It waited. The universe used its resources where it needed them, when it was ready for each new phase.

Let’s face it: Putting pleasurable stuff off is a drag, but a necessary drag. Delayed gratification is about learning to respect the journey. Delaying gratification is about knowing that you can never have it all, instantly. Delaying gratification is about learning to work for what you want—waiting for the good stuff until you can get it in a healthy fashion.

But isn’t that a myth? You well remember that last flick that showed someone having it all: the big house, expensive car, fashionable wardrobe, fulfilling job, loving family and friends, and, let’s not forget—physical beauty. But, it rarely comes instantly. Real success, like the universe we live in, is painstakingly forged one item at a time. Yet, today, there are those who can’t wait. Saving is a thing of the past. Sorting out needs from wants is becoming blurred.

Remember childhood with its lazy times of fun and exploration? If you are old enough to have been raised during a time when play was really creative and done outdoors, you perhaps remember when books were a passage into another world (and not instantly made into movies), and TV was something that you watched for very few hours weekly. If your childhood was like this, then you are one of those who learned a valued lesson: doing fun things takes planning and time.

It is also highly probable that chores and learning to work were a natural part of your life. You had to save for what you purchased. I remember going to the store to purchase some shoes I’d saved for. For weeks I walked by that store window and looked at those slingbacks. Getting them made me feel “adult” and responsible. I earned those shoes. I wore them out proudly, had them repaired, and continued to wear them out.

For each of us the lesson is different: Anticipation is a good thing. Anticipation makes the gift we are receiving more intriguing, the new dress more exciting, and the new car that we saved up for more valuable. Anticipation gives a deeper meaning to most things we have and desire. There is a type of magic to working for something. Keeping it becomes valuable to you because to discard it when it still works means that you are discarding your hard work. Tossing it out just to get the latest thing can be an issue.

As I think of all the technology that has evolved since I was a kid, I remember that sunny, July day when Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin touched down on the moon and life as we then knew it was altered. The moment was electric. Now it seems that much of the “electric” has gone out of innovation and progress. Progress is a constant in an advanced society. More and more, having it all instantly is a must. Trading up for the latest in tech, when the old is still of value, is common. To suggest that you keep what you have might be heresy. It is about having the latest and dumping the old. There is a rush on to have it all NOW with no waiting period.

We now have smartphones, smart drugs, and smarter cars, and yet we have not become any smarter ourselves. While results are faster, we as humans are still finite. We live through our technology. We live, thinking and feeling as if all answers must come fast, as if deeper thought should somehow be instant. We want that insight NOW, rather than being willing to let life teach us. We might even become impatient when our first few searches on Google fail to turn up what we need. Searching shouldn’t take us so much time. Why can’t we get it faster? Well, searching on Google is hard work, that’s why. Finding the correct answer does take some deeper looking and heavier reading. In the process you might conclude that there is not a perfect, or good enough, answer to your search, and that maybe it DOESN’T exist out there in cyberspace.

Remember when science was supposed to save us? Remember when the Peace Movement was the answer to conflict? Remember when autonomy was the answer to authority? I think we need to reread The Glory and The Dream by William Raymond Manchester.

Maybe we as a world need duct tape on our gratification instincts. Okay, that is an eensy, weensy, bit extreme. Or is it?

I have taken up baking. It is wonderful to create something that comes out of the oven and is warm and yummy. The fact is that baking demands that you wait. There is a proper time when eating will bring the desired pleasures of good food. Just think of something you love melting in your mouth and your brain will light up in anticipation. Your mouth might begin to prepare for the pleasure as you read this. BUT, you have to work to make it, so you had better make lots of it to enjoy!!!! Yikes!! I want to eat those scones I plan to bake for Saturday, but I want them right now!!!

The whole idea for this commentary came from a conversation I had with someone about the guide dog I’m working on getting. I’ve been in this process since 2010. At this point, I just want to move on. I’ve had to think about whether I’m ready, or even wanting, to move forward, because I can’t wait. Like the universe, I have had to work with raw thoughts. I’ve had to shape and train them. Crossing the street in safer places has become a must. Thinking about HOW I’ll do it and memorizing routes takes time. Learning the train stations and bus stations has been fun, but I’m glad I’m past that.

I’ve had to reevaluate my established walking routes, my future needs, and the needs of our cat, Penelope, who will have to welcome a dog into the house. Getting this dog is life changing, and making the correct choice at the right time is important for our family.

I’ve spent 15 months in Apeldoorn learning what things that I’ve needed, and lacked. While I was in Apeldoorn, I was also able to observe others with dogs. My process is of more value because of all of this. While I don’t want to rush things, I feel the time has come to move things along. It isn’t about “when” but rather about the process and how secure I feel with it.

Childhood is all about “getting there.” Young adulthood seems to be moving in the direction of attempting to get it as fast as possible and show it off. Eventually there comes a time in life when you reach “wisdom,” or the point when you accept that you never will fully have everything you think you need, but that you can have the “needful things.” The journey is what it is all about. Saving up for the good stuff is where the greatest reward lies. Understanding our real needs and allowing ourselves to have wants that might become realities brings peace through expectation.

“Mommy, are we EVER going to get there?”

“Yes honey, count the green and red cars, and tell me how many you can find.” I’ll be content to count the red and green cars until the doggy enters my life. I hope it is sooner than later because I feel better about “it” coming into my life now.

*Note: The dog turned out to be a no go.